Bill Clinton Speaks Out Against Amendment One in North Carolina

Bill Clinton came out against Amendment One in North Carolina last week.  While I found this declaration to be a little late in coming, I was thrilled to find out that he had decided to use his considerable name recognition and power to help us out.  Then I heard his statement and was, frankly, annoyed.

The text of Bill Clinton's robocall:

"Hello, this is President Bill Clinton. I’m calling to urge you to vote against Amendment One on Tuesday May 8. If it passes, it won’t change North Carolina’s law on marriage. What it will change is North Carolina’s ability to keep good businesses, attract new jobs, and attract and keep talented entrepreneurs. If it passes, your ability to keep those businesses, get those jobs, and get those talented entrepreneurs will be weakened. And losing even one job to Amendment One is too big of a risk. Its passage will also take away health insurance from children and could even take away domestic violence protections from women. So the real effect of the law is not to keep the traditional definition of marriage, you’ve already done that. The real effect of the law will be to hurt families and drive away jobs. North Carolina can do better. Again, this is Bill Clinton asking you to please vote against Amendment One. Thanks."

Am I the only person who finds this statement disturbing?  I realize that this is politics and I realize we're fighting an uphill battle in North Carolina.  I realize a lot of things ~ like I should probably not look a gift horse in the mouth ~ like I should just be happy that he's decided to speak out about this.

But I'm not.

"So the real effect of the law is not to keep the traditional definition of marriage, you’ve already done that. The real effect of the law will be to hurt families and drive away jobs."

To my ears, this makes it seem like it's ok to discriminate against the LGBT community as long as no straight families are hurt in the process.  As if to say ~ It's ok, y'all.  No harm, no foul.  Discriminating against the gays is fine.  The real trouble comes when the laws get so paranoid and overblown that even straight people become affected.  The real trouble comes when the laws hurt families!  

Guess what, Bill?  The laws already hurt families!  They hurt gay families!

I don't know.  Maybe I'm asking too much.  Maybe I'm just not understanding that mentioning equal rights for everyone would be a losing argument.  Maybe I live in New York and I don't understand the South or religion or the depth of the bigotry and ignorance regarding LGBT issues.  Maybe a lot of things.  But the wording of this statement made my skin crawl. 

To hear the robocall, click here.

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Hard Up

The conflicting signals I’ve been getting from the contentious birth control debates of the past few weeks have left me a dazed and confused. Rush Limbaugh called Sandra Fluke a "slut" and a “prostitute” for testifying that birth control ought to be covered by insurance companies. He suggested that her parents shouldn’t be proud of her and that she should stream videos of her sexual encounters on the internet, reasoning that if our tax dollars are going to pay for her sluttiness, the least we should get as a return on our investment is some amount of voyeuristic pleasure. He was not alone in his criticism. Famous for playing Deborah, Ray’s long-suffering wife on “Everybody Loves Raymond,” Patricia Heaton fired off a series of tweets condemning Fluke. Ann Coulter didn’t take long to weigh in either.

The truth is that Ms. Fluke was neither referring to contraception as birth control nor was she even talking about herself. And her testimony had nothing whatsoever to do with having “taxpayers pay her to have sex,” as Rush would have us believe. She was talking about birth control coverage by private insurance companies for the purpose of treating ovarian cysts. But Rush has never been particularly moved by facts. A professional peddler of inaccuracies, Rush bridled at the mere thought that a woman would stand up and demand affordable contraception as part of her overall healthcare. It was enough to render the facts, which proved no match for the ease with which one can mischaracterize a woman, utterly pointless. She’s clearly just a slut.

On the other hand, I’ve never heard a peep about the fact that Viagra is covered by insurance. Nary a single voice raised in anger. No Capital Hill testimony. None of the usual scrubbed, coiffed, cufflinked Beltway punditry leapfrogging the Sunday morning talk-show circuit debating differing views while sitting around impossibly fingerprint-free, glass-topped tables. Nothing. And I’ve never heard of a man being criticized, lied about or generally degraded for using the drug. Quite the contrary. Men get called names for not being able to have sex, not for having too much of it. Is there even a word, derogatory or not, for a heterosexual man who has too much sex ~ a word other than "lucky"?

Trying to disentangle this thicket of double standards has given me an ice-cream headache and has led me to the conclusion that birth control for women is bad, because women are not supposed to have sex, but medication that makes men more able to have sex is good, because men are.

Interesting. And confusing.

I can’t figure out what it is exactly that red-blooded, healthy American male men are supposed to do with their co-pay'd, 12 hour Super Erections if women aren't supposed to have sex with them. In layman's terms: Who are these men supposed to be fucking?

For weeks I have been trying to make sense of these contradictory messages and I just. Can't. Do it. All I can come up with is that our legislators ~ those fierce protectors of female morality yet strong proponents of male virility ~ surely have other possible uses in mind for medically induced hard-ons ~ uses that have nothing whatsoever to do with women. I’ve been brainstorming my own list and I have to tell you, there just aren't that many options. This is what I've come up with so far:

• Coat rack.

• Masturbation. Awesome. But I find it difficult to believe that private insurance companies would cover, and therefore (world according to Rush) use tax dollars to fund organ solos. Seriously, we’d be bankrupt in a matter of weeks and every man in the country would resemble a fiddler crab.

•Mano y mano sex. Hot! But the proponents of the Ladies, Put a Penny Between Your Knees movement tend to be the same folks who aren’t so keen on man-on-man action. I think that more of a stink would have been made over coverage which helps ensure that gay guys go at it better, harder and longer.

Wait. This can’t be right. Penises are for vaginas. Always. Sex is exclusively for procreative purposes, right? I get it! Insurance subsidized Viagra must be meant for use solely for the singularly correct, government condoned, Biblically approved purpose of heterosexual, penile/vaginal procreative sex that exists strictly within the confines of marriage.

Interesting. And confusing.

Where are the regulations?

There is a law currently making its way through the Arizona legislature that, if passed, would force a woman to explain to her employer why she wants birth control. Health reasons are acceptable. Slutty reasons, not so much. (I’m not making this up. Click here to read about it.)

All things being equal, men should have to provide a whole heap of information to their employers before they get that prescription filled, no?

• The patient should be forced prove his heterosexuality. Of course, this could be difficult, considering he's seeking treatment for erectile dysfunction.

• He must prove his marital status and that he will never use the Viagra to bone his wife's best friend, his secretary, an intern or any other woman capable of easing his transition into mid-life.

• He must get his sperm tested. Again, could be difficult considering his situation, but this is government money we're talking about. No Viagra if you're shootin' blanks.

Also,

• A government official must surely witness the conception to ensure that no fun was had during intercourse. This is not about fun. This is about procreation. You want it covered? Then it had better be a somber and austere event.

• A hefty fine should be levied against each Viagra'd act of love making that doesn't result in a pregnancy.

But where are these regulations? Where is the name calling? Where are they purveyors of male morality? Where is the outrage?

Why the silence?

Interesting. And confusing.

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Theodor Geisel’s birthday's today!

He would have been one hundred eight.

He brought to us the joy of words

With the worlds he did create.

To us he gave

A Cat in a Hat,

A Lorax, a Grinch and a King Looie Katz.

He showed us the world and its many wonders.

He taught us to embrace our blunders.

I think he’d find it sad today

That parents read from screens of gray

And click the pages next to next

To see what happens in the text.

To history is left the flipping.

The torn, worn pages.

The fingers gripping.

But I shouldn't endeavor, whatsoever,

To put words in a mouth

So bold, so clever.

So simply: Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss!

Your words will live forever.

A Letter to Doubt

Dear Doubt ~

It has been remarkable, your absence from this process ~ from my process of creation and re-creation. I am both comforted and scared to note that you have arrived, finally, with all the subtlety of a jackhammer on tissue paper. With your glorious flourishes intact. And yet, with all the power you command, you seem to revel in your ability to wreak havoc with simple, rolled eyes, condescending lips, nostrils flared from luxuriously slow, disapproving inhales. As if I'm not even worth the full force of your arsenal. You let me know that I am still very much Me and that a single round with you can render me immobile, sometimes for prolonged stretches. The true wonder of this moment lies not in your presence, but merely in your tardiness. Where have you been? And how did I get waist deep into this before the lecturing began?

You swoop in and demand attention and create a scene. You whisper in my ear, gleefully confirming my fears. You tell me the truth. And that, Doubt, is your single greatest power ~ the source from which all your strength flows ~ creating in me the feeling that yours is the only voice speaking truth! You cast yourself as the singular voice of reason and with a dismissive wave of your hand render everything positive silly. Immature. Infantile. Ridiculous. You, Doubt, are indeed the Devil.

So here you are. And here I am. And you have supplanted my instincts ~ taken them over and demanded that Instinct become Doubt. How am I to know when you have been dispatched on behalf of my own self-preservation and when your purpose is merely to suffocate?

I don't. I guess I don't.

But here, Doubt, is the thing you may not know. I've seen my fair share of fears becoming reality. And I survived. I survived disappointment. I survived failure. I survived having my very definition of myself taken from me. It sucked. There was not even one remotely pleasant moment about it. It was profoundly embarrassing and painful. But I survived. And so the truth is that while you still scare the shit out of me, I do not feel quite as compelled to bow to your whims as I used to. What are you going to do to me exactly? Anything that hasn't already been done? I survived.

Perhaps one of the perks of age is the weathering of disappointments and lost dreams. It's not so much that my fears have disappeared, they've just dissipated a little. I find them less paralyzing than I used to. Who knew failure carried with it a certain freedom? Who knew heartbreak came with a Free Gift With Purchase?

So Doubt, the questions aren't: What is your purpose here? or Do you scare me? The questions are, simply: How much of your advice will I heed? Will I allow you to define yourself as Common Sense? Will I allow you to paralyze me in order to avoid a possible hurt and that ever-present playground fear of being made fun of?

To that I take a deep breath, puff out my feathers and say:

I'm 40. Fuck you.

Sincerely, Ian

Do You Support Marriage Equality? The Full Vesuvius.

Since marriage equality roared suddenly out of the past and into the present a few months ago in New Jersey I, along with many other dedicated activists, have been diligently phone banking ~ asking our community to reach out to our representatives with the message that the time for marriage equality is now. (Due to the swift vetoing hand of Governor Christie, the time clearly isn't now, but we will get there.) The experience of making these calls has been humbling, enlightening, maddening, hilarious. It has been frustrating, depressing, wonderful, joyous. It has been full. And I made some new friends, for which I am thankful.

The beginning of each conversation involves finding out where the recipient stands on the issue. We ask if they support marriage equality for same-sex couples. Sometimes the answer is, "No."

No.

No.

Phone banking is not about changing minds. It's about sparking action. We could spend 1/2 hour trying to convince one person that the opinion they've diligently cultivated for the past 60 years is wrong or we can move on to 20 more people who believe in what we're doing and spur them to action. So we don't debate. It's not the forum and it's not the point. In this situation, it's a waste of time.

The older I get, the more I truly, truly understand and grasp the whole truth ~ that gay is boring as shit ~ imagine spending your whole life talking about and defending being straight? ~ because the only difference is all the bullshit that we're taught, absolutely not one syllable of which is true. And the older I get, the more I find I have less tolerance for "No." "No" forces me to step on my tongue, chew on the inside of my cheek and take a deep, cleansing breath. "No" creates a volcano in me and these conversations are not the place for the full Vesuvius.

My blog, however, is.

See below for the full Vesuvius:

Are you fucking kidding me? What the hell do you care if I get married? I've been with the same man for 14 years. How the fuck does it affect your life if I marry him? You know what ~ I don't think ugly people should be able to get married ~ and yes, I want to be the arbiter of ugly. I don't think stupid people should be able to get married. All that's going to happen is they're going to create more stupid people. Spousal abusers? No. Bad credit? No. I don't think people should be able to marry someone that their children don't like. Outstanding parking tickets? Houses foreclosed? Adulterers? No. No. No. I don't think people who wish to marry too young should be able to marry. I'll decide what's too young. Already pregnant? No. Never slept with anyone else? Absolutely not. So that one of them can stay in the country or because they just wanted to put each other on their health insurance or because they really just want a fucking party or because or because or because? No. No. No. No. No. No. Why isn't anyone calling me to ask me my opinion about these marriages? Why can't I call my legislators and ask them to vote "NO!" on a Pamela Anderson marriage? Or Britney? Or Kim Kardashian. I WANT MY SAY. I do not support another JLo marriage. I think she's probably impossible to live with. I don't know her. I don't know her any more than Chris Christie knows me, but I don't want her married. I think as a country we should have a referendum before anyone gets married. That person in your office so excited to go to Italy on their honeymoon? Yeah, everyone knows they're going to be divorced in five years. Why is no one weighing in on the legality of that marriage? Anna Nicole's marriage to a billionaire fifty years her senior? I don't think that was for love. I could be wrong. I don't ~ didn't ~ know either one of them. I don't care. It just made me feel creepy inside and I think I should be able to create a law based on my own personal feeling of ickiness towards them. And what will their marriage teach the children? How about any 70 year old man whose late-life crisis dictates that he marry an overly processed, pulled, tucked, plucked, tweezed, augmented and overly tanned 30 year old woman who's younger than his children? Where is my phone call? Because I would say, "No." And apparently my "No" could become law if enough people out there agree with me. I want the right to veto each and every marriage that I don't like.

How about this: I don't think that loving, happy, healthy, wonderful, committed straight couples who will be productive and go to work and pay their taxes and maybe raise children who will grow up to be wonderful citizens who help old people across the street or give that person in front of them in line a nickel so that they have exact change should be able to get married. Why? I just don't. And I don't have to explain my reasons to you. It's just a difference of opinion. And I want the law to reflect it.

But no one is asking me.

Our job seems clear: to make the question ridiculous. And offensive. We have come so far. We have so very far to go. Keep calling your legislators. Keep flash mobbing in JC Penny. Keep waving those flags and coming out of the closet. Keep living your lives, openly. Keep the momentum going. The war is over. We just have a lot of battles to fight.

A Thank You Note to the Plaintiffs of Prop 8

I thank you. I thank you on behalf of my younger self, who looked forward at his life and saw that things he wanted were not possible for him because of who he was. I thank you. I thank you for dedicating your lives to making sure that our LGBT youth no longer face the same future I faced. I thank you. I thank you for teaching our LGBT children that they will have the exact same options open to them as their straight counterparts as they go through their lives. I thank you. I thank you for teaching straight children that LGBT citizens are no different and should not be bound by a different set of laws. I thank you. I thank you for the tears I'm crying as I type this. Tears of joy and anger and inspiration and resolve to continue to fight until this ridiculous battle is laid to rest and visited only in history books. I thank you. I thank you for your courage. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Sincerely, Ian Rosen

Fight For Marriage Equality In New Jersey From The Comfort Of Your Own Home!

PLEASE SHARE WITH EVERYONE YOU KNOW IN THE GARDEN STATE.

ONLY NEW JERSEY RESIDENTS CAN CONTACT NEW JERSEY REPRESENTATIVES.

It's cold. It's dark. It's the middle of winter and even though it's been pretty temperate these past few days, it seems people just want to curl up at home and re-emerge next spring.

But New Jersey's residents have no such luxury. Marriage equality is being debated RIGHT NOW. It is winding its way through the legislature and will likely wind up on Governor Christie's desk in the near future. He has vowed to veto any such bill, which means that we must double, triple and quadruple our efforts in order to secure enough votes to override his veto ~ in order that our voices be heard, our opinions be counted and our equality be won. And we can do it! We can do it if we all take just a few moments to tell our legislators that we are in favor of marriage equality.

Four minutes ~ three steps ~ to help make marriage equality a reality in New Jersey.

1) Copy & paste this link: http://www.njleg.state.nj.us/districts/districtnumbers.asp

It has New Jersey broken down into districts. Districts are listed by county and then broken down further by town. Find your town and click on your district.

2) That will take you to a page which lists your Senator, your Assemblymen/women and their office phone numbers. Call them at any time. If it's after business hours you can leave a message. If you know that your representatives are for marriage equality, thank them! ~ this is important because they rarely get positive feedback on any issue ~ and let them know that you are too. If they are against it or you don't know their position, just let them know that you "strongly support marriage equality in New Jersey." Then leave your name and your address. That's it! They'll put one more check mark in the For Marriage Equality column of their tally sheet. A tally sheet that they will absolutely consider as this debate progresses and as they go to vote.

If you'd like to take a moment to send a personal note to your representative(s), clicking on their names will lead to a page with a "Contact Your Legislator(s)" link.

No matter how you choose to communicate, and no matter what you representatives' views on this issue, always be respectful and polite.

3) Pass this on to everyone you know and share with them how empowered you feel knowing that your voice, literally, has been heard. Make sure they call too!!!

Don't just be proud. Be proud that you did something!

Thanks,

Ian