Save the Children

New York isn't getting marriage equality and it looks as if New Jersey won't be getting it either.  Thirty one states have already allowed the rights of LGBT Americans to be voted on.  And thirty one states have voted to deny LGTB Americans their rights.

Why are our opponents so successful?

Fear.  They manipulate it brilliantly.

That is not surprising.  They know exactly what chords strike maximum horror in their listeners.  They know exactly what to say.  They know exactly how to say it.

Children are their weapons.

The children.  Fear for the children.  Teaching the children.  Protect the children.  Inappropriate for children.  Children.  Children.  Children.

What I have found more and more frustrating is the response to these charges by our gay leaders.  Largely, silence.  They stick to the legal matters being debated:  "We're not talking about children and schools.  We're talking about marriage equality."  Or, "What about protecting the children of gay families?"  I find this utterly maddening.

By not respecting, listening to and responding to their central and most powerful arguments, we're leaving ourselves open to having already existing fear and prejudice easily manipulated.  We must confront the fears being stirred, not ignore them.  We're not doing ourselves any favors by turning our backs on their most potent weapon.  Quite the opposite.  By not discussing it, we're giving it tacit approval.  They talk about the children, and we try to get back to the facts:  adults getting married.  It sometimes gives the impression that we're the ones changing the subject.  

I'll never understand why we don't delve into it head first.

Our opponents are forever repeating the mantra that they don't dislike gay people.  That they would never condone violence against an L, G, B or T person.  And that old chestnut:  They have gay friends.  On the surface, they wish us well.  This has a specific purpose:  it absolves guilt.  It allows those who wish to deny us our rights to feel good about their hate. Or at least not feel bad about it.  This is a vital part of the emotional chess game they are playing.  People might harbor prejudices, but they feel guilty about them.  Remove that guilt and it's open season.

But they are lying.  They do not wish us well.  They wish us gone.  

This isn't about marriage equality.  And this isn't about workplace discrimination.  It's not even about protecting religious freedoms (another red herring they throw out into the ethers to great effect).  These are just window dressing.

Their goal is to eradicate homosexuality.

If you think I'm taking too great a leap here - if you think I've lost my mind and have gone off the rails, consider this simple question:  Why is it bad to teach our children homosexuality?  (Whatever that means.)

There can only be one answer:  because homosexuality is bad.  Right away, their "we love gay people and are just trying to maintain 'traditional marriage'" argument is shattered.  They outwardly wish us well, yet their arguments are based on the notion that homosexuality is some kind of affliction.

The second unspoken and, frustratingly, unquestioned tenet of their "don't teach homosexuality to children" argument is that if we don't talk about it, don't allow it into acceptable society, don't make it commonplace, don't allow it to exist where people can see it, don't give it legal backing by repealing DOMA and enacting ENDA, keep it in the shadows and away from impressionable children, it will cease to exist. 

Succinctly: homosexuality is immoral and can be taught.  If we don't expose our children to it, they won't grow up gay.  No more gay children, no more gay adults.  

That is what they are saying.  That is what reverberates with people who have limited or no experience with the LGBT community.  And that is what never gets addressed.  

While we are busy sticking to the issues being debated, they are winning the emotional war.